I am stronger than I think

I am sitting here wondering……..thinking…….Why can’t I get back the motivation I had this time last year?  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I think I am bored with the same ole same ole……I can’t for the life of me do what I need to do…..Sure, I do great all week. I eat right and workout and then the weekend comes and I totally BLOW everything I had just done.

This time last year I was on the losing streak. I was pumped and excited about losing weight and getting healthy.  I have been struggling since the holidays and I can’t seem to “get it back” if you know what I mean.  I am bored and tired of eating the same old things.  I need to dig deep and find the Tasha that was me last year!  I know I will but I need to do it soon or I am gonna gain everything back!  I feel like I am letting myself down right now. Don’t worry though, I will be back on the losing streak! The sooner the better!  So, what am I waiting for?  I don’t really know but some one gimme a good kick!!! I need it!

I just wanted to rant and get that out. Thanks for listening buddies.

Happy Friday everyone.  How is the weather?  HAHA! Where I live, it looks like a blizzard out there right now.  Looks nice but don’t want to be out in it.

Well, today I woke up in Blah Blah land and just really didn’t feel like eating right, working out, or even getting out of bed.  Just one of those days but then I started to have a conversation with my 5 year old daughter.  We were talking about those that are less fortunate than us.  She decided that she wanted to give some of her clothes and toys away.  I was all for that.  I am always going through things and donating them to goodwill.  We decided that this time around we weren’t donating to goodwill.  There is a local church ministry that accepts almost anything you are willing to give.  They allow anyone to come in and get the things they need for free. 

 We donated so many toys and some clothes and some food also.  I wanted my daughter to understand how much she was helping someone else.  She was so excited to give and it really surprised me. Normally, she is all about what new toy she sees on TV that she wants.  Now, I never spoil her like that but you know how kids can be. It was a great feeling to see her get so into this. I am glad we did it.  I was feeling down about our own personal financial issues but I know that I could be in a worse situation than we are. I am thankful for everything that we are blessed with. Not material things but our health and the love we have for each other too.

I am feeling alot better than I was this morning and kind of just dug myself out of blah blah land. Started eating right and got a workout in too. I guess I just felt refreshed and quit feeling sorry for myself. Doing something for others will do that to you.  I encourage you all to go through your things and donate it because there is always someone out there that would be grateful for it and not only that, you will feel good about it too! 

I hope you all stay warm and safe for those of you in this snow!  Everyone else have a great weekend as well.

Well today is my 1 year anniversary here at Buddyslim.  My profile says otherwise because I had to create a new account.

Anyway, what have I accomplished in a year?  Well, when I found buddyslim, I weighed 170 lbs.  Today I am only about 15 lbs  lighter than that.  Wow, what a bummer!  I hit my goal of 138 lbs back In August (2007) and my weight went right back up from there. I am working on getting back down there though!

I have learned alot in this last year.  I have even learned why I gained some of my weight back.  I am working on getting back down to my goal but this time around I know how hard is even when you reach your goal.  You still have to work, maybe even harder than you do when you lose the weight.  Maintaining is hard!  I knew that but I jsut got lazy and less determined.  I know better this time.  I have to stay on top of things!

Anyway, I am a much different person than I was only a year ago.  I mean, I still have my “bad” days.  I get down now and then but I have changed alot.  I am not the self-hating, depressed person I use to be.  So, if you are just starting out and feel the way I use to, just know there is hope that you can start to change your mind and body.  Just keep at it and maybe you will be blogging about how much you have changed for the better.

So, this is not really weightloss related.  Feel free to move on if you wish.

Lately, I have been thinking about what I would have done differently in my life.  I go there with my thoughts from time to time.  Now, PLEASE don’t get me wrong.  Don’t take this the wrong way.  I really have a great family. (My immediate family)  I love my husband and my kids more than words can say.  With that being said, I sometimes think that if I could go back and change things, I would.  I might sound selfish but I never really got to be just me for very long.  I know it is my fault and I accept that.  Sometimes,  just for a day I wish I could just be me again.

I am a stay at home mom and have been for almost 7 years now.  I remember the me that use to work at GE Capital and I was my own person.  I miss that freedom.  I miss the girl that use to have fun no matter what the situation was.

No, I am not leaving my family or anything crazy like that.  I am sure that most of you know the feeling I am talking about. Right? 

I think that being a stay at home mom for nearly 7 years is getting to me.  I miss being out there with the rest of the world.  I am just confused and feel lost sometimes.  I feel like getting out there and back to the workforce and at the same time, I want to be here with my kids.  I just don’t know.  I can’t afford to go back to work and have to pay for childcare but we are barely keeping our heads above water sometimes.  I know I chose this life and I just want to do what I can to make the most out of it.  When and where to start are questions I have yet to answer.  Maybe one day soon I will get those answers for myself.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. 

I have wokred out 9 days in a row and eating right. On that front, I feel great!

I really like that Britney song….I am not much of a fan of her’s but if her songs can make me move my booty, then so be it!

Anyway, this past week was the best week I have had in regards to eating and working out.  Well, it is the best I have had in a long time.  I worked out 7 days in a row. (About to be 8 days in a row)  I managed to lose 5 lbs of the re-gain which is awesome!  I have to say that Istayed off the scale until Saturday.  I wanted to make it from Sun-Sun but Saturday curiousity killed the cat.  Well, Friday is when it happened.  I weighed myself in the middle of the day which for me is a BIG NO NO!  It said I hadn’t lost anything but I knew I had.  I could tell by my tummy that I had.  That is the first place I lose from and the first place I gain.  So, I got up Saturday morning first thing and it said I was down 4 lbs and then today 1 more down.  5 lbs! WOO HOO! 

The funny thing is that I use to think that I had to be so strict on my eating plan or I wouldn’t lose anything. Silly, I know but that is me. So I “loosely” followed phase 1 of southbeach.  The key part was that if I wanted something I wouldn’t deny myself.  So, I went out Monday night with my little girl’s.  I took then to the mall and got their pictures taken for their birthdays. They are 3 years and 2 days apart so they share their b-days.  Anyway, they wanted to eat at the food court.  So I got them what they wanted and I got Subway.  I love Subway and to me it feels like a “cheat” sometimes when really it is healthy food.  I had Subway twice this week.  I also had a few small portions of other things that are not on plan and still managed to lose some weight.  I am amazed.

I have had two of my buddies recently tell me that I have helped them in some way.  That means alot to me. Makes me feel good especially when I was feeling down a few weeks ago. I felt I had nothing to offer my buddies in the way of support and encouragement.  They made me feel better by saying and meaning what they said to me.  Thanks! 

I hope everyone has a great Sunday.  Enjoy the rest of the day everyone!

Oh, one more thing…I have to say that the Fox Fire Fours & the Fantastic Fours have helped to push me this week!  Here is to another great week!

First off, thank you all so much for your comments on my last blog.  It really means alot to me that you all care and support me through the good and the bad times.  So many of you helped to make me smile, cry, ( a good cry) and feel better about things.  I never knew how much I needed to hear (read) your kind words.  So thank you so much!

I feel better today than I did yesterday.  I was OP yesterday but I was just in a blue mood.  I think today will be better.  Heck, I know it has to be!  The weather here is so unbelievably nice here today.  So nice that I have the windows open and there is a nice breeze flowing through.  While it is still cloudy out, the fresh air feels good to breathe in.  Feels like Springtime!  I know it will be short lived, but I will take full advantage of it today!   I already got in a good workout this morning. I did my 4 mile walking Dvd and some ab work.  Later after my daughter Micah goes to preschool, I am going to go for a walk outside.  My daughter Devyn doesn’t go back to school til tomorrow so I will take her and my son Kai.  She loves to ride her bike so since it is so nice out, that is what we will do.  My outside route is 3.2 miles so after that, I will have gotten in 7.2 miles for today.  Yay me! That is what I need to get back into doing, feeling excited about what I get done!  I was that way last winter when I first found buddyslim.  I need to get that excitement back……I will.  It is just slow going right now but I will take what I can get.

I hope the sun comes out within the next few hours.  I need some natural vitamin D from it!  I have heard that it can help with feeling blue.  Maybe I need to move somewhere warm and sunny? LOL.  I wish! 

I am taking some advice from our good buddy Marge.  She told me that I should blog often.  I normally don’t blog as much as I have been lately.  I should though because you all help me alot.  Thanks again everyone.  Go make today a great one!  I know it is Monday and they can be a drag but like another buddyslimmer said, replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.  That is my goal for the day!  No Negative thoughts for me today!  Have a good one everyone!

CRAZY!  I post blogs when I am feeling good and then soon after that I have a blog that is a downer.  WHY can’t I get it together and keep  it there?? My last blog was all motivational and how I was going to get through the weekend On plan and this and that.  BOOM! I let myself fall off the wagon! I mean, I just got back on it!  What the heck?  I know, beating myself up over it isn’t going to do anything.  Sometimes, I feel like I need a good A$$ kicking from myself though.  Why do I keep doing this?

I gained weight back and I said I wouldn’t do that.  I don’t want to go through this over and over again.  Although, I haven’t gained all my weight back, I feel like I am starting all over again.  I DIDN’T take care of the emotional part of my weightloss.  I thought, I would have it together by the time I made goal.  Nope, I didn’t.  I think I am struggling more now than when I was at my heaviest weight.  I mean, I do feel better most of the time but I am just struggling to keep my head above the water when it comes to food.  Exercise, I can deal with that. I actually kind of enjoy it now-a-days.  The food is my issue.  I am my own worst sabotager!  I know I am not unique to this problem.  I just thought I could get it taken care of.  I want so badly to get back down and stay within 5-6 lbs of my goal weight.  I know I can’t keep going up and down like this forever! 

I use to take it 10 lbs at a time.  I am going to take it 5 lbs at a time now.  I need to celebrate the mini victories in order to get to the big prize.  I try not to focus so much on a number but what can I say?  I am a numbers girl.  I hate to admit defeat. I really do but I am here admitting that I have gained  more weight back than I ever thought I would.  To some, it may not be a big deal but to me it is.  I got down to 138 and today I weigh in at 156.  I have gained almost 20 lbs back!  18 to be exact. WHY, did I do that????  I don’t have a good answer for it…….I have excuses but what good are they?

I need to find the motivation to eat right and keep eating right!  I don’t want to be a statistic….you know, those that lose the weight but can’t keep it off.  I feel like I worked so hard this past year and it is almost all down the drain.  I hate to open myself up like this because I feel like I have failed in so many ways.  I know I haven’t but I feel like who am I to try and help encourage others when I can’t do the things I suggest for myself? 

I hate to have such a downer of a blog.  Really, I do.  This is just the mood I am in right now. 

I am feeling great!  I have been getting my workouts in early on in the day.  I love to do it early.  Makes me feel that the day can’t go wrong.  I know that it can but I handle things alot better when I am full of energy!  You all know what I mean, right? 

I weighed myself last Sunday and will not weigh again til this Sunday.  I am really surprised at myself for not weighing in so much.  I have NEVER weighed myself only once a week.  I hope I can keep up with that because it is alot less stressful to me.  Weighing everyday only frustrates me.

Anyway, I have done my workout and I have been eating perfectly on plan since Wednesday.  I know, that is only two days.  For me, the first 3 days are the hardest  and I am almost already halfway through the 3rd day.  I have to say that I feel really good.  I hope I hang on to this feeling for a while. 

The weekends seem to be the hardest on me but I am not planning on going anywhere. The hubby has to work all weekend so that is a good thing.  I am going to the movies here in a few hours but I can resist all the junk there.  Here is to getting through the weekend unscathed!  We can all do it!  Have a great one everyone!

So, I got back on track today and I have to say, it feels pretty good!  I just finished 45 mins of cardio.  I am not going to start weights again until next week.  At first, I felt bad about not being on plan and exercising but then I got to thinking and talking to Jeanette. (Aka WonderWoman)  We decided that since we had done so well this past year that it was ok to have let ourselves enjoy the holidays and wait until after New year’s to get back to it.  We deserved it!  Now it is over and time to get back to our commitment to ourselves.  New year’s always feels like a fresh start to things.  I am feeling very motivated and ready for new things to come.  I have Jeanette to thank because I wasn’t really going to make any resolutions.  Now that I have made some, I am feeling really optimistic about life.  I have her to hold me accountable.  If you know her, she will do just that.  I have heard a few of her resolutions too.  Pretty good ones and I will be there to see that she completes hers as well.

I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year.  I love it because as I said earlier, it feels like a fresh start.  I just don’t care for the weather that goes along with it.  I just want to curl up in my sweats and blankets and not go anywhere.  That will not be me though.  I worked out at home today but tomorrow I will be at the gym.  I have decided not to drag my younger kids out to the gym with my while it is so cold.  So, on my hubby’s days off, I will go to the gym.  On the days he works, I will workout at home.  He has 3-4 days off per week so it works out pretty good.  (He works 12 hour shifts) 

So, day one is going great so far.  I plan to keep it that way!  I have a little extra motivation pushing me right now.  Jeanette and I plan to take a trip and meet up in the coming months. (Along with our hubby’s)  I want to look the best I can for our first face to face meeting.  So that along with my plan to meet up with Diane monthly is helping to push me.    Ahh, what would I do without my buddies?? 

So, for the next nine days I am doing only fruit, veggies, oatmeal, brown rice, and water.  It is the first phase of fat smash.  I will do that to rid myself of all the junk I have eaten lately and then back to what I do best and that is taking in the foods that I know are good for me!  Have a great day buddies! :smile: 

Hello buddyslimmers I hope everyone had a nice holiday.  Mine was good all except for the fact that I have been sick for two weeks now. I have had a horrible headcold and yesterday I was hit with flu like symptoms.  Not pretty.  Anyway, I think I am feeling better today.

This time of year is hard for most of us and for me, I let it be hard.  I could have chosen to not give in and eat the Chrismas cookies I bake every year with my children. I could have said no to the idea of going to McDonald’s.  I just didn’t say NO.  From Thanksgiving til now, I have allowed myself to gain 10 lbs!  I cannot even believe I did that to myself.  Well, I know what to do and I will do it.  This year, I will get to where I want to be.  THe last 3-4 years I have done things at a very slow pace.  My highest weight was 197 after having my last baby. He was born in June of 2005.  I have been working at losing weight since……..well to be honest I started trying to lose weight in the summer of 2004.  Lost 20 lbs and then found out I was having my son.  It seems I only let myself lose about 20 lbs a year.  I can do that in about 3 mths or so and then I just kind of stay in the same weight range.  This year, I am PROMISING myself that I will get down to where I want to be and stay in that range.   Yeah Yeah, Just do it already!  I will!

So, I know these slumps that I go through.  Stay motivated for about 2 months or so and then crash.  Stay crashed for about a week or two.  Same endless cycle.  I decided to ask a buddy of mine that lives about an hour from me if she would like to get together about once a month.  We can go see a movie or shop or anything.  I thought that it might keep us both motivated. Knowing that we are going to see each other on a monthly basis might make us want to keep on track.  We can see each other’s progress and maybe grow a friendship at the same time.   I know I could use another friend. I am looking forward to it. Hope you are too Diane!

I have been asking myself the past few weeks what I am most thankful for this year.  First thing is:

I am grateful for my awesome kids and my awesome husband.  I let them stress me sometimes but they really are the best I could ever want. I love them with all my heart. I am thankful that we are all healthy, happy, and safe.

I am so thankful that I found Buddyslim back in february.  I really believe that you all here have helped to keep me going.  I am not sure how strong I would have been without my buddies.  I have grown some good friendships here.  I look forward to the new year and sharing it with my buddies here.

Take care buddies and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!